


Fear Itself

by MK_Yujji



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Friendship, Gen, sharing fears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-05
Updated: 2015-11-05
Packaged: 2018-04-30 04:41:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5150612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MK_Yujji/pseuds/MK_Yujji
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fear is just the natural human response to potentially dangerous stimuli.  Or - Natasha and Steve talk about their less rational fears.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fear Itself

**Author's Note:**

  * For [paperdream](https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperdream/gifts).



> Written for the Spoopy Haloween Fic Exchange. While this fic focuses primarily on the friendship between Natasha and Steve, there are hints of Steve/Bruce potential and Tony/Pepper is stated as a given.
> 
> Hope you like this, paperdream! ^_^
> 
> Warnings: nothing is graphically shone, however there is a mention of both possible cannibalism and certain animals eating humans. Also, there are teasing discussions of certain fears. This is not meant to belittle or dismiss the legitimacy of a person's fears. I personally am terrified of noises in the dark, not being able to see, things coming up behind me without warning, larges crowds of people focused on me, public speaking, scary movies, and rodents.

"Hiding?" Natasha asks as she shifts her slinky skirt out of the way and settles down onto the floor next to Steve. She's not surprised to find him up in one of Clint's favorite perches. It's the most out of the way corner that can still be called part of the common room. There isn't really a better spot for watching everyone else without being easily spotted. 

He may have taken Stark up on the housing and headquarters, but he still feels like an interloper. Stark doesn't help. They may all tease Steve about being an old man out of his time, but Stark's jokes tend to have more bite and less humor. Howard Stark will always be a specter between them, making it difficult for them to fit together the way they do with the others.

A faint smile curls his lips as he shrugs and offers her the small glass of the latest Asgardian hooch that Thor has plied him with. Their alien friend is both fascinated and horrified by the way Steve metabolizes alcohol of any kind too quickly for any effect and has made it his mission to find something that will actually overwhelm the serum. "Not hiding. Just… resting."

"It was the truth or dare suggestion that chased you off, wasn't it?" She waves off the alcohol. Anything that Thor thinks might work on Steve isn't something she wants any part of.

The Halloween party is finally starting to break up down below them on the main level of the common room. The threatened game of Truth or Dare had never materialized, thankfully. Natasha isn't sure Stark could really handle the things that could happen if they'd called that particular bluff. It would have ended in tears - probably Stark's - and maybe blood - definitely Stark's.

"Nah, just… needed a break." He tugs at the cuffs of the brown coat he's wearing. 

She wonders who showed him Firefly. It's even money on Sam or Clint. Maybe even Stark. Sometimes the genius feels guilty about the way he acts and tries to make up for it by 'helping' Steve assimilate to modern times. Either way, he wears the Captain Mal look well. Certainly he'd had plenty of admirers at the party.

Which is probably the other reason he'd decided to hide.

"You missed Stark trying to get everyone to spill their deepest, darkest fears." As if that answer shouldn't be blatantly obvious for each and every one of them. "Pepper shut him up pretty quickly. Offered to help him start it all off."

It had been a thing of beauty to watch how deftly Pepper Potts handled her inebriated, irreverent boyfriend.

Steve snorts and shakes his head. "Isn't much of a fan of quid pro quo, is he?"

"Not so much, no. He decided that weird and illogical fears would be more interesting. Apparently he's scared of clowns, germs, and Windows. Pepper's afraid of small children and any birthday present that Tony picks out himself."

"Windows? I'm assuming we're talking about the computer variety and not the glass." 

Smiling, Natasha raises Steve's arm up and curls under it, marveling at the closeness they can share now that they're both sure of each other. It's a comfort they're too often without, a sharing of strength and acceptance between two people who are too used to hiding their vulnerable bits from the people around them.

It's not about sex or romance, no matter what Stark says whenever he stumbles onto them like this.

"Of course. Clint spent half an hour defending the honor of clowns before he broke down and admitted that most of the ones he knew back in the circus were creepy as hell. Then he confessed to a childhood fear of spiders and heights."

Steve tilts his head and arches a brow in a question that he doesn't voice. 

Natasha answers it with a chuckle. "He swears by the effectiveness of immersion therapy and offered Stark a hook up. Thor says that rats are the most frightening thing produced on Earth."

"They eat people," Steve replies, shuddering slightly and she remembers with a pang that both of their big blonds had been watching that particular documentary together.

"Not… usually."

"But they _do_ eat people."

"Cats are more likely to eat you, honestly," Natasha points out, patting his arm. The attempt at reassurance doesn't look like it did any good. If anything, he looks even more disturbed by the idea. She's very glad that there's no chance of anyone wanting to bring pets into Stark Tower, because she's pretty sure that both Thor and Steve would be against it. "Is that yours, then? Rats that eat people?"

"I have lots of fears." He says it easily, like it's nothing he's ashamed of or feels the need to hide. Spoken like a man who has alternately been teased about everything under the sun when he was too small to defend himself and almost nothing at all - Stark not withstanding - since the serum.

"Sure," she replies, reaching out to turn his hand over so that she can study his lifeline. She'd gone undercover as a palm reader once. Easy gig, really, but she'd learned a few interesting tricks. His hands are smooth and unscarred. "But most of your fears are legitimate things. War, loss, death… Sensible things to be wary of."

"Meat."

That makes her arch a brow and pulls her attention away from his life line. "Meat. Really?"

She's known he's a vegetarian almost since the beginning. It's one of a dozen little things they'd all learned about each other during that first post-battle meal. Victory shawarma. He and Bruce had both refused to eat meat that day. 

There are lots of reasons to be vegetarian, even if she doesn't subscribe to the lifestyle personally. Fear isn't one she's ever considered.

"Sure," he shrugs, time and distance in his eyes. "I grew up poor in the middle of the Great Depression."

"Just because meat was scarce-" But even as she starts to protest, she cuts herself off. Now that the thought's in her head, she can actually see several ways in which that could inspire a fear of eating meat.

Steve just nods. "If there _was_ meat, you could never be sure what it was before it was butchered. Could have been rats. Could have been your missing neighbor. The war wasn't honestly much better depending on where you were. Logically, I know that that's all in the past -" she makes a mental note to never, ever let him read too deeply into what the rest of the world ignores about North Korea "- but I can't help it. The very idea freaks me out."

"I'm… not sure that doesn't count as a legitimate fear considering how you came by it." In fact, the meat from her own dinner is sitting kind of heavy in her stomach all of a sudden.

"There are standards now. Better conditions." He smiles and shrugs it off. He's made his peace with this fear and operates around it as best he can. Natasha can respect that. "What about you?"

"I don't know," she replies. "I couldn't come up with one before either. Clint took it upon himself to distract Stark for me to get away."

"You're too sensible not to have any fear at all," Steve says, his voice confident and free of judgement. 

Fear, as they both know, is a healthy human response to dangerous stimuli. Humans without fear don't live long.

"Sure, I mean… Obviously I have the right amount of healthy respect for things that can be used to kill a person, but given my training, that's almost everything." That was the entire point of the red room. To train them to use anything and everything as a weapon if the situation called for it. "When I can think of at least five ways it could be used to kill me, it stops being an 'illogical fear' and starts being a 'rational concern'."

"Fair point."

There's a spat of laughter from below riding over the top of Tony's voice as he protests loudly. Natasha leans forward a little to see if she can tell what's going on. It looks like Clint and Thor are teasing Tony about something while Pepper refuses to save him. Bruce is staying well out of it for all that he looks like he's trying not to laugh.

Situation normal, then.

"You know," Steve says cautiously, edging over so that he can see the commotion as well. "You do have _one_ fear that isn't very rational any longer."

Arching a brow, she waits for him to continue but he just nods towards the others.

Towards Bruce.

The protest is on her lips automatically, but she bites it back before it can escape. Steve knows her better than most. He'll recognize the lie. He may not call her on it - he doesn't always when they're not actively on a mission or training - but he'll recognize it. 

And then he'll be disappointed.

No one wields disappointment as a weapon quite as well as Steve, all the more effectively because he doesn't even seem to be aware he does it.

She sighs and leans back against him again. "Of the things that can kill me, Big Green is probably the one I'm least able to defend against. How does it not fall under the umbrella of rational concern?"

"He has it under control, Tasha." He really believes it. He's a shit liar, but he's not even trying. He honestly believes that Bruce has complete control now. "And even when he didn't, he didn't actually hurt people who weren't trying to hurt him."

"He's the only member of this team that could crush me like a bug without me being able to do anything about it," she fires back, shifting uncomfortably. It's hard to be this open about her weaknesses, even with Steve. "I'm sorry if my being wary upsets him, but-"

"It doesn't."

Protest dying at the sad tone of Steve's voice, she glances up to make sure she's heard it right. 

He's still watching Bruce hold himself separate from the others. There are things being hinted at there in his sad expression that makes Natasha rethink her opinion on all the time Steve has been spending in the labs for 'testing'. Clearly, there's something going on that she's managed to miss completely. Apparently her decision to ignore all things Banner was a bad idea. "If it doesn't upset him, then what's the big deal?"

"He's not upset about it. He's _resigned_ to it." There's a bitter twist to Steve's lips, an acknowledged understanding there about something. She's not sure what, exactly, but she can think of a lot of things that Steve has been forced to simply resign himself to. "It's worse, don't you think? That he just expects you to be wary of him?"

Maybe it is, but given what happened on the helicarrier, she isn't sure what else can really be expected. 

That was the last time the Hulk had been completely unrestrained in the midst of battle, though. Each time they've had a Code Green since, he's followed Steve's orders almost gleefully. No one hurt besides bad guys. No casualties. No collateral damage. And Steve has managed to get Bruce back pretty easily afterwards.

She hates to give Stark more credit than she absolutely has to, but it does seem like letting off some steam here and there has kept the pressure from boiling over out of control.

Maybe it is a little irrational to doubt Bruce's control now.

Sighing, she elbows him slightly. "You do that on purpose, don't you?"

"I have no idea what you mean," he says, looking far too pleased with himself to actually sound innocent.

He wouldn't be the leader that he is if he didn't try to smooth out the interpersonal issues that kept them from being as effective as they could be.

"Of course not." Another sigh and she pushes forward, preparing to drop over the edge. Thankfully, she'd pulled her costume heels off ages ago. Broken ankles aren't any fun. "Fine. I'll go make nice with your boyfriend for a while."

"He's not- we're not- you-" 

He's cute when he stutters and blushes. Natasha can't help but laugh a little and press a quick against his cheek. "Sure. Keep telling yourself that. Fear of commitment is irrational, too, Steve."

The teasing laughter from the others pauses for a second when she suddenly drops down on their level. 

"You know," Stark drawls, looking relieved that someone else is the focus of everyone's attention. "When I said 'drop in anytime', that wasn't really what I had in mind."

Natasha shrugs as if to say " _Black Widow, what do you expect?_ " and makes her way across the room as the others resume taunting Tony, much to his protests.

Under Steve's watchful eye, she settles on the arm of the chair that's practically swallowing Bruce and gives him a tentative smile. Steve just beams. And maybe blushes, just a little.

The thought of teasing him about that later makes it just that little bit easier to focus on Bruce and not let her usual wariness get the better of her. "So. You and Steve, huh?"

The way he gapes at her is almost as good as Steve's strangled cry from above. "Natasha!"

_fin_


End file.
